i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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