so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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