The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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