My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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