If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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