Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize