He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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