Texts From Last Night

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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories

  (239): View more from Florida

  He could rock you to sleep

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  (321): I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories (239): He could rock you to sleep http://tfl.nu/6xlx
  Replies (28) Good night (3841) Bad night (1015)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.

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  (248): My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while. http://tfl.nu/9oye
  Replies (8) Good night (3819) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?

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  (412): Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container? http://tfl.nu/it9b
  Replies (33) Good night (5645) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.

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  (314): I hated hipsters before it was mainstream. http://tfl.nu/p566
  Replies (32) Good night (6129) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?

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  (760): My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this? http://tfl.nu/9ow4
  Replies (8) Good night (7175) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.

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  (917): And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating. http://tfl.nu/qged
  Replies (19) Good night (5580) Bad night (1472) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.

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  (404): Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800. http://tfl.nu/a5yx
  Replies (15) Good night (2581) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.

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  (912): Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane. http://tfl.nu/mwfa
  Replies (4) Good night (1746) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?

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  (212): Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help? http://tfl.nu/19hc
  Replies (7) Good night (1622) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.

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  (734): Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had. http://tfl.nu/a9pp
  Replies (7) Good night (575) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.

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  (850): Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list. http://tfl.nu/5auq
  Replies (6) Good night (1215) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.

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  (337): Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed. http://tfl.nu/ptzk
  Replies (12) Good night (1848) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer

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  (440): Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer http://tfl.nu/t9hh
  Replies (4) Good night (1032) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt
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  (344): View more from

  So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  They're waiting for you to die

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  (344): So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof (774): They're waiting for you to die http://tfl.nu/5pk9
  Replies (6) Good night (1848) Bad night (286)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Its not chugging if its just one gulp

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  (808): Its not chugging if its just one gulp http://tfl.nu/zj3j
  Replies (1) Good night (487) Bad night (154) Order T-Shirt

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