im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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