Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize