I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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