last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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