fuck your aforementioned shoe
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize