i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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