I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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