Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
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Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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