afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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