I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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