I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize