i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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