I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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