so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize