your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize