I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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