Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize