There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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