I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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