i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
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When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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