now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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