dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize