I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize