I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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