youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize