Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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