For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize