I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize