I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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