The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
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Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
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This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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