Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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