seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
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The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
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No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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