Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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