I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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