either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't deserve a penis
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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