When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize