Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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