let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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