Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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