Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize