Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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