I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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